Equal parts comedy marathon and outdoor hang, the festival has become a destination for comedy fans who like their punchlines served under open skies. Naturally, we turned to the festival’s resident woodland wisdom experts — mascot Rudy and Park Ranger Donovan — to answer some very important questions ahead of this summer’s festivities.

Dear Rudy, I want to try stand-up comedy, but the thought of getting booed makes me want to walk into the woods forever.

Fair. I actually want to boo you right now after reading that stupid question, which is a good thing. Being offensive and unfunny is trending. You’re an influencer.

Dear Rudy, how early should I arrive at the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival before the line for drinks turns into The Hunger Games?

Yeah. Do what I do. Stay in the park all year. Learn to forage. Channel your inner raccoon. You can never be too early for the beer line. Ha ha ha.

Dear Rudy, what should I do if I accidentally make eye contact with a comedian during crowd work?

This is the easiest thing ever. Just mouth “I love you” like a dirty, horny goat. In other words, just be yourself. That’ll get them off your scent. If the comedian still goes after you, embrace it. At least your giant dumb head will be on the big screen and someone out there will likely have pity sex with you.

Dear Rudy, what’s the best way to flirt with someone at a comedy festival without sounding like a Craigslist ad?

Here’s a pickup line that never fails: “You thought that was funny? You should see me naked.” Nah. I spent many a night in a beaver dam with that one. Oh, I’ve had many a log jam in a beaver dam, if you know what I’m saying.

Dear Rudy, how do comedians look confident on stage when I panic ordering at Subway?

Yeah, yeah, it’s all about the size of your crowd. No comedian wants to look someone directly in the eyes and beg for a 12 incher. It’s easier to talk to 10,000 weasels than just one. Most comedians also get drunk backstage. Subway is for the hangover and regret.

Dear Rudy, what’s the correct number of beverages to consume at an outdoor comedy festival before you become part of the show?

Yeah, it’s all about the personal check-in. I call it “three beers, Rudy.” After three drinks, ask yourself: “Are you funny? Charming?” If you say yes, then quit drinking. No one’s that smooth now. Except maybe me, because I’m always half in the can.

Dear Rudy, I bought a table for me and my friends at the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival. Now everyone suddenly forgot to split the drink bill. Help!

Sounds like your friends are real skunks. Good thing the online tickets are on your phone. Haha. Maybe have a hike through G.O.C.F. and upgrade your herd. Be the squirrel in spring and kick out those rock nuts!

Dear Rudy, how do I stop being awkward at festivals when everyone else seems so cool?

Some of the most awkward animals in the forest are actually the coolest. The moose? Ridiculous giant round stupid body and skinny stick legs — yet definitely cool. The opposite is true as well. The wolf? Super cool looking, but horrible flatulence. All-protein diet makes him the farty fool of the forest. So you do you, honey badger. Be the moose.

The Great Outdoors Comedy Festival returns this summer with stops across Canada featuring huge stand-up lineups, outdoor stages, food vendors, drinks, and plenty of opportunities to make regrettable eye contact during crowd work. 

Visit greatoutdoorscomedyfestival.com for tickets, full lineups, dates, and more information.