Happy Trails (1)

HAPPY TRAILS

A monthly movie trailer review column to guide your streaming experience.

by Cameron Macleod

Photo illustration by Erik Grice

There was a time in the 90s when you could only see movie trailers at a theatre, on VHS tapes, or during a commercial break on TV. In-theatre trailers were the best because they were the long ones. None of that primetime 30-second shit. You got the full two-minute treatment. It’s the reason you’d show up an hour early to secretly smoke “skunk weed from Old Lady Bozak” real quick in an alley across the street, before rushing in to get some good seats. Now, with the internet and every movie releasing three trailers and a behind-the-scenes featurette, you can take your time smoking “legalized pre-rolled cannabis flower” in a designated smoking area before getting your reserved seats like the royalty you are. Or maybe you’re waiting for your edibles to kick in while your pirated copy of an awards show screener downloads. Either way, you’ve seen every trailer that’s out and you’re probably getting high right now. 

In this column I’ll be sharing trailers for recent and upcoming movies that I think might be worth seeing. Are the movies good? I can’t make any promises, because I haven’t seen them. This column is about TRAILERS. Welcome to HAPPY TRAILS. 

Everything, Everywhere, All At Once (Sci-Fi / Comedy)

Who needs Spider-Man and Dr. Strange when the directing duo behind the Turn Down For What music video, known as Daniels, have made their own hilarious, action packed multi-verse that involves Michelle Yeoh (Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon), Ke Huy Quan (The Goonies) and Jamie Lee Curtis (almost every Halloween film). Michelle Yeoh stars as an exhausted woman who can’t finish her taxes and it seems like Jamie Lee Curtis is her accounting adversary?

The Bob’s Burgers Movie (Animated)

This musical comedy-mystery-adventure, set in the summer, is a no-brainer for any fan of Bob’s Burgers. The trailer features a sexy burger, a horned up Tina riding a horse through the desert at sunset and 3, count them 3, different scenes where a character gasps. What are they gasping about? I’m guessing it’s because of the massive sinkhole that has opened in front of the restaurant that threatens their business’s livelihood and brings with it adventure and mystery. But maybe I’m wrong. 

Alone With You (Horror)

As a young artist prepares for her girlfriend’s romantic return from abroad, her apartment starts to fuck with her in both scary and trippy ways, forcing her to face a harsh truth. As a horror fan, this movie looks to have it all. A lesbian romance, isolation, images of a human walking around a beach with its bloody head wrapped in packing tape, laurels from horror festivals so you know it’s good, and scariest of all…technology glitches.

Gaza Mon Amour (Drama/Romance)

Palestinian identical twin brothers, Tarzan and Abar Nasser, are behind this Gaza Strip based romantic comedy. It features Salim Dau as a fisherman who, after finding a mysterious phallic statue, attempts to court market vendor Hima Abbass (Succession). Who doesn’t love old people falling in love? They don’t mention the phallic statue in the trailer which only makes me want to see it more. What’s this penis statue all about?

Jackass Forever (Comedy)

In the current world climate and depression weighing heavily on pretty much everyone you know, I think it’s a great idea for all of us to take a deep breath, relax and set aside 90 minutes to watch a bunch of middle aged white guys seriously get hurt. MTV’s merry band of psycho party stunt men are back again to do absurdly dumb, big budget pranks on one another. It’s crazy to me that the guys from the CKY videos I used to watch in my high school friends basement are now in their 40s and 50s and are still doing this shit…and I will still watch and laugh.

The Tragedy of Macbeth (Drama)

Shakespeare’s classic tragedy about a man who, with the support of his wife, kills the king of Scotland and takes the throne for himself before going insane, has gotten another reboot. They had me at Academy Award winners Joel Coen and Denzel Washington, but then they hit me with a stunning black and white visual feast for the eyes, incredibly effective editing to music, and enough praising critic pull quotes to choke three witches? Sign me up. Also, everyone’s talking about it, duh.

The Velvet Underground (Documentary)

Award-winning director Todd Haynes, shows us the creation and rise of a band that changed the music scene forever, The Velvet Underground. This documentary features never-before-seen footage of musical performances, in depth interviews, Warhol films and so much more. I’ll take a documentary about the experimental art scene in New York in the 60s any day of the week. It also gives you an excuse to revisit the work of an incredibly influential group, from a very psychedelic time. A welcomed departure from the non-stop avalanche of memes and 15 second TikTok choreography that we are bombarded with daily.

SCREAM (Suspense / Horror)

The Ghostface (I still don’t know how Wu-Tang hasn’t had beef with this yet) killer is back again to murder teens, reveal some dark small town secrets, and give Courtney Cox, Neve Campbell and David Arquette a pay cheque in the process. If you’re looking for a good Valentine’s Day film to watch with someone (that you’d also like to sleep with?), may I suggest this fun suspenseful horror movie. Sure, a romantic comedy might seem like a better fit but if you didn’t know, fear and horniness actually go hand in hand. It’s called being scared horny. 

**THE FLASHBACK**

Sorcerer (1977, Thriller / Suspense)

In this edge of your seat thriller set in South America, four men who are out of options accept citizenship and a hefty payment to attempt the very dangerous mission of transporting extremely volatile explosives through a mountainous jungle. Seems like a good life choice. Right off the top this trailer literally tells you about the two Academy Award winning films William Friedkin made before this one, how and where he made Sorcerer, and then gives you a minute long montage of intriguing scenes featuring guns, car crashes, and explosions set to the films suspenseful synth score by Tangerine Dream. And that’s before the plot is even explained! Watch this movie.

Happy Trails to you…until we meet again.

Cameron Macleod is a writer and comedian living in Vancouver, BC

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