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Your Horoscope According To Shit Anderson .Paak Did

Look sharp! It’s Aquarius szn.

by Stephan Boissonneault 

Photo illustration by Erik Grice

Anderson .Paak is one of those musicians who is constantly adapting to his creative whims and the uncertainty of the music industry, working ridiculously hard to surprise his fans and himself. A prolific hip-hop/soul/R&B star, his name and actions inspire confidence. 

Let this astrological season be guided by some of .Paak’s most memorable moments. Born on February 8, 1986, this is your horoscope according to shit Anderson .Paak did. 

(Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)

Aquarians are kind of the black sheep of the zodiac, unpredictable yet clever. No one really knows why they do the things they do. .Paak himself is an Aqaurius, and while he is a flamboyant and eccentric guy by nature, he recently started doing the odd interview, in an English accent. It’s as if one night he woke up with a different persona and donned a bowl cut wig. Or perhaps it’s all a ruse to one day work with Dua Lipa—who he loves and is also English. Either way, he did manage to fool a few people in Britain, including the Daily Mail, which adds to the lunacy. 


(February 19 – March 20)

Anderson .Paak is probably best known for his 2016 album, Malibu, and for good reason. The album slaps, and it also marked his collaborative debut with the neo-jazz ensemble, the Free Nationals. He even references them in the R&B and hip-hop banger “The Waters”
—which seems like it should be your anthem, Pisces. After all, the track is about going against  the grain, deciding what is real and what is fantasy. .Paak’s Piscean multitasking ability shows up as well, drumming while rapping his existential verses


(March 21 – April 19)

Back in 2021, .Paak shocked the world with his collaboration with the one and only Bruno Mars. They called the project Silk Sonic, a contemporary take on popular soul music that took home four Grammys off their debut album. While there’s no doubt that Bruno Mars was a core member of Silk Sonic, everything, down to the duo’s dress code of velvet-cut suits, dance moves, and media attention Silk Sonic got was due to .Paak’s motivation as a de facto leader of the group. That’s just like you, Aries, and like .Paak, you wont ask for the credit, but you’ll make sure the work is done in pristine fashion. Use this little story as your affirmation to do something spectacular. 


(April 20 – May 20)

.Paak is a drummer by trade with a huge list of sponsorships, but his latest with Ludwig features a hilarious video of him debuting his signature paisley print “Pee Wee Snare Drum.” .Paak plays both Pee Wee, the drummer, and Pee Wee’s grandmother, Mildred. Every time Pee Wee hits the snare, either the sound engineers or his grandma are “smacked,” by a hand that appears out of thin air. Mildred takes the reins on leading the snare demo and tells Pee Wee to give it his all. It’s aggressive and lively, fitting right into the Taurus wheelhouse. Maybe you’re secretly a drummer at heart. Maybe you need to smack out that frustration and create some art. Pick up the sticks. 


(May 21 – June 20)

On top of being a Grammy award-winning songwriter and producer, .Paak is now the founder of APESHIT, a record label that debuted with the slogan “A disruptive platform for the most captivating talent in the world.” So far, APESHIT has only released the debut album from DOMi & JD BECK, who are known as young wunderkinds in the modern jazz world. Their single “TAKE A CHANCE” features .Paak and comes with a music video where he is seen taking the young duo under his wing on a smuggling operation to obtain them working visas. There’s one line .Paak raps that conveys his multifaceted Gemini instinct—“sometimes I just do stupid shit for the reactions.” 

(June 21 – July 22)

Cancers are sensitive and compassionate, and so is Anderson .Paak. You can find references to love and that warm feeling you get from your significant other all throughout his music, but his song “Make It Better” really conveys the real feelings, the good and bad, that you get from a long lasting relationship. Sometimes you just go through the motions and your romantic life takes the back seat. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get it back, Cancer. The track also features the king of motown Smokey Robinson, so that’s a bonus for you.

(July 23 – August 22)

So many rappers are always talking about the struggle and the streets, but prior to being a famous musician, .Paak was actually homeless. He was working at a cannabis farm in Los Angeles to support his pregnant wife, but was randomly let go, leaving him broke without a job or roof above his head at age 24. He crashed on whatever couch he could, but never gave up, and landed a tour gig as the drummer for Haley Reinhart that launched his career. After he gained enough money, he bought his own place and focused hard on making music. And look at him now, Leo. He’s a household name. He persevered, and it’s in your nature to do the same.


(August 23 – September 22)

You may be wondering what the oddly-placed dot in Anderson .Paak’s name stands for. According to the man himself, it stands for detail, or paying attention to detail. It serves as a reminder for .Paak to remember where he came from and how much time and dedication he spent on developing his craft and style. Perhaps you should add a dot in your name, Virgo. Out of the whole zodiac, you are the most systematic, but always looking for room to improve. You’re a perfectionist, just like .Paak.


(September 23 – October 22)

After releasing his 2019 album, Ventura, .Paak kind of went dormant for a little while before making a surprise appearance at the Super Bowl Halftime show as the drummer for 50 Cent and Eminem. His infectious smile really shows how important this performance was for him, as he got to play alongside a roster of legends, including his friend and mentor Dr. Dre, who accompanied him on the piano. While there was some controversy on whether or not Eminem and 50 Cent’s vocals were in fact lip synced, .Paak’s performance was 100% genuine. You can tell by all of the little drum fills and solos he does between the instrumentals of the songs. Take this advice well, Libra and make sure everything you do is equally authentic. 


(October 23 – November 21)

Anderson .Paak’s appearance on the YouTube series, Hot Ones, is as spicy and fearless as your sign, Scorpio. He’s interviewed as he eats hot wings, and as the level of Scovilles increases, his sanity dwindles. To resurrect himself he begins freestyling hot sauce ballads as his mouth is recovering from the fire. Of course, they have to give him a beat and some music over his freestyle, because .Paak isn’t the kind of guy to raise his voice unless there’s some bass involved. His trademark “Yes Lawd” chants are palpable and overflow with positivity. Perhaps you should adopt them, Scorpio. 


(November 22 – December 21)

In 2017, Anderson .Paak jumped into the world of philanthropy with the .Paak House, an annual benefit concert to raise funds for the The Brandon Anderson Foundation, a non-profit that looks to help foster arts for underserved youth. .Paak House is a huge undertaking, and it has become somewhat like the Coachella of charity events with past lineups featuring Thundercat, Freddie Gibbs, and Ty Dolla $ign. As of 2021, the organization has raised more than half a million dollars and helped more than 3000 families in Los Angeles achieve their basic needs. It all comes from the goodness of .Paak’s heart and his wanting to give back. We know you feel the same Sagittarius, as you’re a selfless person willing to put others before yourself. 


(December 22 – January 19)

In 2018, Anderson .Paak appeared on The Tonight Show to talk about his Grammy nomination  for his third full-length album, Oxnard. During the interview .Paak stated he had “the best teeth in the game.” Now, you can’t deny that his pearly whites are incredible—like looking at a row of polished, regal dominos—but by saying that, .Paak started some friendly online beef with The Internet’s Busiest Music Nerd, music reviewer Anthony Fantano. You see, Fantano coined the phrase almost a decade earlier than .Paak and no one had yet dared to challenge him. .Paak is nothing but ambitious, just like you, Capricorn, so perhaps this was his goal all along. It certainly gained him more hype for his 2019 tour, which he called the Best Teef in the Game Tour.