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Your Horoscope According To Shit Björk Did

Look to the stars for thoughtful insight into your month ahead.

by Madeline Lines

Illustration by Erik Grice

It’s Scorpio season; a transitory time during which a bunch of the moodiest, most mysterious babies are born, making for some of the best musicians. There’s no better guide to the season than the esoteric Icelandic queen herself. Born on November 21, 1965, this is your horoscope according to shit Björk (a triple Scorpio) did.

(October 23 – November 21)

Right now it’s your world, Scorpio, and everyone else is just living in it. Use this time to lean into your natural inclination towards transformation. Put Björk’s song “Pluto” on your playlists for the month, and repeat the lyrics as a mantra: “I’ll be brand new/Brand new tomorrow/A little bit tired/But brand new.” Scorpio is ruled by Pluto, the planet of death, regeneration, transformation, and probing all that’s hidden beneath the surface. Channel it this month. Have the guts to shed your old life – a new one is waiting for you. 

(November 22 – December 21)

As a Sagittarius, you see “no” as more of a challenge than a closed door. This month, try channeling Björk’s energy from Coachella 2007, where she was the festival’s first ever female headliner. Follow your instinct towards freedom. Break free of boundaries, whether it’s peoples’ expectations of what you should do, or where you should be. Make choices this month that start to shape a life that makes sense to you, not to anyone else. Go dancing in a different country. 

(December 22 – January 19)

As someone who finds it second-nature to get down to work, you can probably relate to the most Capricorn thing Björk ever did: releasing her first-ever album at the age of 11. Granted, it had some covers –  but there’s no better feeling to you, Capricorn, than getting the job done. This month, pay attention to when you’re rushing something just to check it off your to-do list. Sometimes the reward of getting one job done really well is better than half-assing five things. You may find your true satisfaction in the meditative feeling of slowing down to do something justice.

(Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)

Aquarius, you probably already feel a kinship in Björk’s tendency for the weird. That’s why you’ll see yourself in the viral interview where she talks about her TV. Your tendency towards overanalysis makes it so you’re always dissecting life, dear Aquarius, much like how Björk famously took apart the back of her television. This month, take inspiration in how she saw the wires and knobs as little buildings and streets. But, when leaning into your fantastical nature and entertaining the mysteries of life, heed her advice and be careful not to fall down any conspiratorial rabbit holes. 

(February 19 – March 20)

As a Pisces, you find yourself riding waves of emotion in all aspects of everyday life. You’re just as likely to shed a few tears at the grocery store as you are at a funeral. The next time you’re on the brink of a big feeling, Pisces, take a deep breath, and a page from Björk’s book. You’d be wise to channel her famous speech at the 1998 BRIT Awards: “I am grateful grapefruit.” In the heat of a big moment, sometimes, communicating less is more. Lean into your dreamy side, and don’t be afraid to sum up your feelings succinctly and surreal-ly. The people that matter will get what you mean.

(March 21 – April 19)

You’re known for your fire, Aries, which is a strength you should nurture – and one that some people foolishly tamp out. But fire does take some mindful maintenance so it doesn’t rage out of control, and burn your whole life down with it. This month, take a lesson from Björk on how to manage your flame. Be careful not to lash out, like she famously did in 1996, hitting a reporter who had been hounding her and her young son. Instead, make sure you’re speaking out against the “bullsh*t” that makes you mad on the regular, so it doesn’t get bottled up and explode. Don’t let it fester. Channel this interview of Björk speaking out about sexism in the music industry. 

(April 20 – May 20)

Your space is your sanctuary, Taurus. Although you’re often stereotyped as the homebody of the zodiac, there is a lot of value in rooting where you’re planted and carefully crafting your surroundings. This month, take inspiration from Björk’s episode of MTV Cribs. Make sure you do leave the house and make some memories, Taurus, and adorn your living space with pieces that remind you of the richness of your life. Just like Björk has a funky lamp from a market in New York City in her Iceland apartment, or lovingly gushes over her couch that’s a family hand-me-down, the pieces in your place should have meaning. This month, instead of hitting up IKEA or Amazon, go out and make some memories. 


(May 21 – June 20)

You’re juggling a lot, Gemini. The two dueling sides of you are always stretching your time and overcommitting to a range of social commitments and hobbies. This month, use your razor-sharp perceptiveness to hone in on one creative project that you can channel all of your competing energies into. Team up with someone you admire, like Björk did with PJ Harvey to create the iconic cover of “I Can’t Get No (Satisfaction)” at the ‘94 BRIT Awards. We know that like Björk, you’re picky about who to collaborate with – but when you choose the right person, magic happens.


(June 21 – July 22)

Cancer, although you can get crabby, the depth of your empathy knows no bounds. You’re the most likely sign in the zodiac to understand why Björk famously sent flowers to the family of her attempted murderer after his suicide. While your ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes is a gift, be careful and cognizant about how others may take advantage of it. This month, extend the understanding you give to others towards yourself and your own circumstances. Order yourself a bouquet of flowers.

(July 23 – August 22)

As a Leo, you love catching peoples’ eye, whatever it takes. You were probably among one of the earlier admirer’s of Björk’s iconic swan dress, and especially loved the spectacle of her laying an egg on the Oscars red carpet. This month, don’t be afraid to entertain the side of you that wants to make a scene. Be bold with what you wear. Even if people don’t understand it now, you’ll be regarded as ahead of your time decades from now – and isn’t that truly what you want?

(August 23 – September 22)

You’re practical, Virgo. No matter what kind of wild fantasies anyone else in the zodiac has, you’re the one to bring them gently back to earth – and then make a meticulous plan for how to achieve something more practical. You may be one of the only signs to understand why Björk turned Iceland down when they offered her an island. She cited privacy concerns, which most people might scoff at, but you totally get. This month, try doing something out of your comfort zone. Say yes where you would have said no – and see where it takes you.

(September 23 – October 22)

Coming off of Libra season, you’ve been in your element lately. As a social butterfly and lover of justice, you know how to balance the scales and do the right thing. In a very Libra moment, Björk penned a letter to Britney Spears during her 2008 crisis, offering moral support and a calm, private place to rest at her pad in Iceland. Take a page from her book, Libra, and offer support to an unlikely friend. It could be the beginning of something beautiful.