The two friends are headlining SiriusXM Comedy Club’s new Comedy Here, There & Everywhere tour. From September 23 through October 19 they’ll perform with local comedians in 19 cities from coast to coast. To warm up, they got together to chat about the upcoming tour, comedy at large, and, well, the minutiae of Merheje’s personal life. 

Jon Dore: Well, well. Well, well, well, Dave. Listen, good to see your face, as always.

Dave Merheje: Good to see you as well. 

JD: Let me start with this question: you were offered this tour, did they tell you that it was me and you right from the get-go?

DM:  I don’t know if it was at the get-go, they might have said there’s this tour happening and then said your name and then I was like, that’s sick as fuck.

JD: Total transparency, you were totally good with that?

DM: One hundred per cent. 

JD: Okay good. 

DM: Just as a person and comedically, it just fits. It’s dope. 

JD: Yeah it’s perfect. Because, let’s just be honest, comedians are interesting people and we’re gonna be together for a month so it could go either way. But no I was so excited it was you because I feel like, correct me if I’m wrong, because I’m this way and I feel like you might be too, that transportation, airplanes, that’s all gonna be fun and easy because sometimes that’s the worst part of travelling, but I feel like with you that’s gonna be fun, and then I also feel like you’re the type who like respects, you know, I’m gonna do my own thing today. I feel like we’re quite possibly the best mix for this. 

DM: Yeah even if you’re like, ‘hey man, I don’t want to hang out for a few days, I’m gonna do my own thing,’ I don’t ever take that personal, you do what you gotta do, and I’ll do what I gotta do

JD: No the opposite, I’m spending all my time with you. I think we should get one hotel room. 

DM: I can do that too .

JD: I was excited, because every comedian has the same fear of, it would be awful if you got stuck with someone that you didn’t like. So, I think we’re starting in a good place, is what I’m saying. Without dragging anyone else’s names through the dirt, this is good

DM: It’s amazing. And I get it, you don’t want to drag anyone’s name, but it is human to want to work with people you get along with.

JD: And you don’t always get that with stand up, as a solo performer, you don’t get to pick your friends… Um, Jackson’s got dirt on his feet. Okay. You stay in the house…. Yeah, that’s the only thing, I’m going to be missing my family. What about you, did you have children since the last time I saw you? 

DM: No, no, no. No close calls either from what I know. Still no girlfriend or children, still solo.

JD: Are you in the dating scene right now? How’s that going?

DM: Not really, it’s in and out, I’m not doing a good job.

JD: Woah, hey, take it easy, this is on the record, watch it with the in and out language. But when’s the last time you made love to a woman?

DM: Oh… last week, I guess? Are we talking full intercourse?

JD: You tell me.

DM: It wasn’t full intercourse, it might be years actually.

JD: Oh, wow, okay. 

DM: I can’t even…

JD: Well let’s focus on last week though, so last week you had relations, you had consensual relations with another adult human being. And how do you treat a lady after sex? Do you cuddle, are you sweet? 

DM: I mean, there has been in the past where I’ve not done that and it wasn’t fair and it was just not cool on my part, so I try to be more self-aware about it and try to have an intention of, are we trying to build something or is this just for the night, and have those conversations because of the mess ups in the past.

JD: Because I’m in a committed long-term relationship and have been for years, however, you’re out on the scene. That’s something I can’t even imagine, I can’t even imagine the dance that goes along with courting a person and getting into that next phase. So yeah, I’m just so curious. But what is your desire though? Are you fully career-focused right now? Or are you ready to settle down and have kids?

DM: If I found someone and we were dating and we wanted to start a family, I’m down, one hundred percent. I am career-focused but I’m open to that for sure. 

JD: So this woman that you got together with last week, what was she lacking? I mean, why aren’t you gonna pursue that? 

DM: Oh, it’s not even a thing of lacking. I was just in a different city and we were just having fun, it was just a one night sort of thing.

JD: What city was this, please? 

DM: If I put that out…

JD: Sorry, okay, what state? 

DM: Oh, it’s in Canada, I’ll tell you that. It’s in Ontario, I’ll tell you that.

JD: Okay, okay, You already share things in common, that’s where you were born and raised. Oh my god, it’s fun to meet someone in that world. 

DM: Yeah, who knows what the future… leads? Is that how you say it? I have no idea…

JD: What the future holds? 

DM: Yes. 

JD: Well, I understand, you know, we’re talking about romance and you mess your words up because you’re in your head thinking about love. 

DM: Yes

JD: Well, will you do me a favour, will you keep me posted? 

DM: I will. My mom is pressuring me. She’s like, ‘I don’t want you to be alone,’ and I’m like, ‘yeah, me neither. This is not a thing I’m choosing, mother.’

JD: Does your mom want you to have kids?

DM: One hundred per cent. My dad does, probably, but I remember I saw him and I had just showered, so I had my shirt off and shorts on, and he was just like, ‘what happened?’ 

JD: What does that mean? What does he mean by ‘what happened?’ 

DM: Because I have a little bit of a stomach So he’s like what happened? So I think that’s maybe his concern. 

JD: Yeah, well, you gotta start eating more asparagus for breakfast my friend.

DM: That’s what spawned the whole asparagus thing.

JD: Oh my god. That’s so funny. Your dad shamed you into eating asparagus for breakfast. And wait, your brother just got married? 

DM: My little brother gets married next month. 

JD: Okay, so there’s kids, probably, in the future there, right?

DM: Well my sister, I’m the oldest, she has four kids. So there are kids in the family.

JD: Okay, so it’s not like mom’s kicking you out the door to meet someone every day. 

DM: Yeah, her kids ages range from 19 to one and a half. 

JD: Oh my god, that’s a huge window. You’re the middle child? There’s three kids? 

DM: I’m the oldest, then it’s my sister and my two younger brothers. 

JD: Oh, God, it’s four. What a household. And that was Windsor, Ontario? 

DM: Windsor, Ontario, yeah. I know your sister. Is it just the two of you? 

JD: Yeah, it’s just me. Me, my sister, mom and dad. Yeah, no real pets either. We weren’t a dog or cat family. We had a hamster, a budgie and a guinea pig. Not all at the same time, all at different times, but all our animals were caged. So we grew up, we had to let animals out of a cage and they just wanted to get away from us. So we were taught to chase love and it will always escape you until you trap it and put it in a cage again. So that was our upbringing. It’s so interesting to think of who we are and why. 

DM: Yeah, I can sense it with my siblings. With me being the oldest to my brother being the youngest, it moulds your personality. 

JD: Were any of them surprised that you became a comedian, or are they all like, ‘yeah, that tracks’? 

DM: They are excited about what I do, but they weren’t shocked. I think that’s a good thing. 

JD: Did you grow up middle class? 

DM: Yeah, middle class. My dad worked at Ford Motor Company in Windsor. I would say, me and my sister, we would really get what we wanted, for Christmas or whatever. Our parents really did give us everything we asked for, for the most part.

JD: Was Windsor the first place you ever did stand up? Or did you go to Toronto to do it? 

DM: No, I didn’t know anything about stand up, the joke writing process, at all. I would write my conversations down. That’s what I thought would be funny. And then I learned the structure. And Yuk Yuk’s, they were looking for Canada’s newest comic and they stopped at Windsor. And it was Kevin Herod and Dylan Mandlsohn, cuz I think they were both going to University of Windsor. And then CIMX-FM was sponsoring it. 

JD: That’s your first time on stage, was during the contest? 

DM: I believe so, because then I tried something in college. Yeah, it was at a contest. But I didn’t understand the whole process of stand-up, I didn’t understand you had to go every day. 

JD: I don’t even remember the first time I saw you, but it would have been at The Rib or Yuk Yuk’s open mic, but you were always so engaging and present and conversational. 

DM: I remember going to Yuk Yuk’s Windsor. It was you, Terry Clement and Jason Rouse. 

JD: Oh my God, you were there for that? 

DM: Red shorts. By then I think I’d seen most of the comics that would come to Windsor, but your show was very unique. You could see something different was being done. I was like, ‘Oh, that’s creative, the three of them. You don’t normally see that.’

JD: That’s a weird night that you mentioned, because shows become a blur. You do so many in strange places, but that particular night, because we went shopping that day and just decided, let’s all buy the shortest pair of skin-tight red shorts. We’ll each buy them, and then we’ll go up on stage and never talk about it. I remember nothing else other than that. But I was still trying to figure out who the hell I was as a comedian. So interesting that you were at that show. That’s crazy.

DM:  That night helped me out, too, because that was when I decided to go to Toronto. I saw three of the most unique acts on the roster.

JD: Rouse and Clement, for sure. Besides wearing the skin-tight red shorts, I don’t think I was up to anything too unique at that point. But yeah, the advice you got to move to Toronto would have changed everything, obviously.

DM: But it was also the cadence you had, and Terry and Jason, too, that really stuck out. I had been going out to a lot of weekends and that weekend really stuck out to me. I try to tell people, I mean nobody really listens, but about the knowledge I got from all the Yuk Yuk’s comics that helped mould me. But it was different back then. Now, with social media, you don’t really have to know everybody. But back then as a young kid from Windsor wanting to get into the Canadian entertainment business, I wanted to learn every comic. 

 JD: It was so different back then. I romanticise it, like I guess anyone does. But yeah, to think of a different time of how you get better, who you listen to, the decisions you make, promotion. It was almost better in that you flew under the radar. I feel like I would have been ignorant. If I was 23 years old now, I would be posting all the stand up that I ever did online, not thinking that I needed this incubation period of like, 10 years to kind of sort myself out. I’m glad most things are hidden and didn’t get out there. 

So let’s shift gears for a second. We haven’t talked about this, and I don’t even know how this will work out, but we’re co-headlining this tour for SiriusXM. So how are we going to sort out who closes on different nights? 

 

 

DM: I want you to close.

JD: What do you mean? I always close? 

DM: If you wanted to. 

JD: Why would I want that? Look, I’ve got an ego, but it’s not that out of control. Good thing we brought this up. And I don’t even know, there’s probably gonna be an intermission? I have no idea how to play it. 

DM: I mean, at least to sell booze, I’m assuming. I think these guys want to sell alcohol, so I think there would be an intermission. 

JD: Because with local acts, I imagine it would be the MC and then local act and then one of us and then probably intermission and then MC and then the other one of us. But interesting… so interesting you thought I would just close this as a co-headliner. I don’t think that’s fair. 

DM: I just…

JD:  This just says a lot about you and who you are. This is why getting to know you on the road is going to be good, too. I just didn’t know you were this selfish in a way where it’s like, ‘Oh, I’ll be done early every night and then Jon can close it out.’ I know you want to go back to the hotel for a swim in a hot tub, but listen, man, we gotta talk this through. 

DM: No, it was done out of respect as a fan. 

JD: Oh my god. If that’s at all true, that’s, number one, ridiculous, but number two, thank you. But I have equal respect for you and I think we should share the closing responsibilities. But this is open to discussion, we’ll figure this out. 

DM: It wasn’t me trying to run back to the hotel. I’m gonna be there the whole time.

JD: You keep talking about these women you meet on the road and how you want to go to the hot tub… or maybe I brought that up. 

DM: I probably mentioned that in the past. 

JD: An email was going back and forth about what we want on our rider backstage. 

DM: I really messed that one up. I got a private message from Morgan, our manager. He goes, ‘You want whiskey every night?’ And I go, ‘No,’ because I just didn’t want to drink beer. You know, how they always have a couple beers? And I was like, ‘What if they left whiskey?’ but then Morgan wrote back to me, ‘You want whiskey every night?’

JD: I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

DM: For him, he’s like this guy’s never asked that before…

JD: So Morgan thought it was coming across as you’re a big boozer who needs a bottle of whiskey?

DM: I would take it that way, if you know a guy who has never asked for that all of a sudden being like ‘Hey, can I get a bottle of whiskey for 19 cities?’

JD: I know Brent Butts rider, I think I’m allowed to say this, for some reason I feel like this is known, but he asks for a very specific brand of cheezies and a bottle of Crown Royal. And I love it. Every time you go into the green room, there’s a bag of Cheezies and a bottle of Crown Royal. You want to talk about respect. I feel like that’s a level of respect where it’s like, yep, we read your rider, and if anything, it just shows they read it. 

DM: I might actually do Crown Royal. What am I talking about? 

JD: Yeah I think you push back and you tell them, listen, I don’t show up, I don’t go on stage unless there’s a bottle of Crown Royal in my dressing room. I love it. 

I’m just putting on a kid’s show for Jackson here. What should we do? Shaun the Sheep: The Adventures from Mossy Bottom or Trash Truck? Trash Truck’s his favourite. 

DM: You don’t watch Paw Patrol?

JD:  He doesn’t mind Paw Patrol, but Trash Truck’s his favourite. Trash Truck is the story of this kid who’s best friends with a trash truck, a bear and a raccoon. It’s very sweet. So there we go. That’s set up. Jackson! Trash Truck! Trash Truck! 

So yeah, we’re starting on the West Coast and heading east. Which city are you looking forward to most? Do you have places where you go and you’re like, all right, this is where my people are? 

DM: Yeah, I mean, obviously Toronto, I’m assuming it for yourself too, you spent so much time there. Victoria’s become a place in British Columbia that I love.

JD: Yes! 

DM: And Saskatoon. Are we in Saskatoon? I don’t know why but I’ve always loved Saskatoon.

JD: I love Saskatoon too. I love it. I think I could live in Saskatoon. The best people, they’ve got great food. A couple little nice art districts and good live venues and microbreweries, I could totally do Saskatoon. But Victoria, I agree with you, I think Victoria’s so good. People come out and they just have a great time.

DM: Halifax, obviously, I love that place. 

JD: Dude, totally agree.

DM: Just the whole East Coast and Ottawa, I have cousins there. I haven’t been to London in a long time. That’s the only one where I’m like, I don’t know…

JD: Dude. I was just there. This is the problem I’m gonna run into. I just did Ottawa and London. Luckily I haven’t dipped my toe in Toronto in a while. But anyway, Winnipeg, I love. Calgary’s great. It’s the little satellite places where it’s like, ‘Okay, Lethbridge, haven’t been there in forever. I have no idea what’s going on in that town.’ So it’ll be good to blow through these cities. I love that we’re hitting them all back to back too.

DM: Is there always an excitement for you or do you start to feel like you’ve been out here too long? Because you have a family.

JD: Yeah, dude, that’s the only thing. If I did not have children I would love to be on the road all the time. But now that I have children, I don’t want to go on the road, period. Unless I can bring them with me, then it changes everything. 

DM: For certain comics, it’s in them to enjoy being on the road.

JD: Oh for sure. I even love being in Ontario. I like being in a rental car on my own and cruising through a thunderstorm that turns into sunshine. I love cruising through Ontario farmland to get to a gig. Listening to tunes, window down. I love checking in and out of hotels. 

DM:  Same.

JD: And of course I love the show. I love the show now more than I ever have. But the only thing is the second I feel an ounce, just a tiny little bit of depression or loneliness, then I immediately think of my family. I can’t watch — I do — but I can’t watch too many videos of my son or I’ll just lose it. What am I doing on the road? He’s growing up, I’ve got to be there. That’s the only thing. Being on the road away from family sucks. 

If it weren’t for the warm audiences and comedians I get to spend time with and catch up with, I don’t know what I would do, but they really do save me. They’re my emotional crutches. And I use them. I use them. This is going to be a print interview and that’s going to come off as really cheesy. If you saw the way I was saying it.

DM: I vouch for that. It was authentic in the way you were saying it. I hope they write that in print. 

JD: No, I don’t want it to be too authentic. I want it to be like a hint of authenticity, but also, ‘Oh, he’s not using the phrase emotional crutches.’ Anyway, it’s out there now. Maybe even this is getting into print. Even this. Maybe even this. Will they stop it here? 

DM: I mean, they said we have five minutes, so this is down to the wire now, how this closes out. 

JD: And this is the difficult part as comedians, is the closing joke. We’ve been prepping our entire careers for the dismount. And now here we are, floating in an interview, which isn’t necessarily our expertise, but we have to somehow figure out how we’re going to end this thing. Do you have any thoughts or suggestions? What’s swirling around your noggin’ right now? 

DM: Um… um…

JD: Oh boy. We’re doomed. 

DM: I was just trying to figure out when I’m gonna make a protein shake. 

JD: Your dad really got to you, man. I love it. 

DM: I have to get a gym membership. I’ve got to get that this week. I’ve got to play soccer. It was a collective of people that got to me. 

JD: Oh, dude, I’m the same way. My sister, inadvertently, well, not inadvertently, very deliberately, we do a podcast together called Brother Sister Podcast and the last one we did, we had a couple of drinks and we were a little loose and I said something like, ‘The dream would be to live on a beach eating egg rolls and getting fat in the sun.’ And my sister said, ‘Well, you’re halfway there.’ And I stopped and said, ‘What are you talking about?’ She says, ‘Well, you know.’ So that threw me. So now, the only thing on my mind is, I’m gonna hit pools when we’re on the road. I’m gonna swim. I’m gonna get more active. Because I can’t just go and run, I gotta chase the ball around. I am that guy. I have to chase a ball around or get in a pool. I can’t just go up for a jog. 

DM: A couple people told me I filled in. 

JD: Why do we even talk to people about appearances? We should just let it be. 

DM: Then I go, ‘What do you mean by that?’ And they’re like, ‘It seems like you’re making money, so, you know, that kind of fat.’ 

JD:  That’s a bit of a compliment, perhaps?

DM: It was a whole collective of things that has sent me down this path.

JD: Next time someone says, ‘Hey, I can tell your career is going well,’ you’ll look at them like, ‘You calling me fat?’ Yeah. It’s not okay. 

I really wish I could bring Jackson on tour with me for a few dates, but it’s going to be impossible. But I think you’d be a really good babysitter.

DM: I can hold it down, man. 

JD: If you’re going to force me to close, then you gotta babysit Jackson backstage. It would be hysterical too. You come out on stage holding a diaper and just a naked baby running across the stage, like, ‘I don’t know what to do with this fucking kid.’ 

DM: I actually potty-trained my brothers. I babysat them, me and my sister. That stuff doesn’t scare me.

JD: Well, I like who I’m walking into a battle with here. Thanks man. I want you to know that,  I appreciate you. 

DM: I appreciate you as well. 

JD: Bye. 

For tickets and more info about Comedy Here, There & Everywhere Tour visit  comedyhereoften.com